Monday, March 17, 2014

The Days.

49 days of Squishy, the world's most amazing baby EVER. Aaron and I manage to laugh everyday, and while we bicker a fair amount (that might mean a lot) but so far we get over it pretty quickly.

My favorite thing to do with her is to take a bath. I hopped in one day last week and have bathed her like that ever since. She responds really well to lounging in the bath chair and being scrubbed down, but seems to really love it when I float her around, dunk her little bum in, and splash water over her stomach. She whines when she's ready for a warm towel wrap and cuddling. She lets me do what I want, and then makes it known she has a say.

And there are the moments as a family when Aaron and I can barely stand it. The other day he had Bright Eyes playing in his bathroom, and listened to "First Day of My Life" a few times and I could hear it as we nursed and cuddled. I started crying around the middle of listen two of the song, as the lyric "I'm so glad I didn't die before I met you" came out through the door. Aaron rolled in, and we all made a sweet memory together, as a family.

Then I explained to him something I'm not sure he had ever considered before: Without him, I wouldn't have anything I have now. I wouldn't have our little family at all. Not the puppy, not the baby, not the husband. This is the family built out of injury. What we have is maybe because of what happened in September 2011. I have to thank the worst day of my life for giving me the best days of my life. I'm not grateful for Aaron's losses, but...

When I figure that out, I'll let you know. It's a give and take on a daily basis. Acceptance is not the same as moving on. I don't think "moving on" is necessarily what happens. 918 days later... but I don't count so much anymore. Not since I began counting baby. 49 days. I wish I'd figured it out sooner.

At least I figured it out now.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Next Part.

Last spring, before I knew how much and how everything was going to change, I met with Shoulder2Shoulder to discuss shooting a short documentary. Shorts are around 15 minutes, meaning that your story needs to make an impact and follow through. At the time, it was going to be aimed at the wounded and military community. We met with and selected a director, an NYU Tisch school grad who had already established herself with her thesis short. She usually worked with narrative, but after our coffee "date" became inspired to shoot our journey, and I am so glad it worked out. Above all else, I gained a very dear friend from the experience.

So it is with glee, excitement, and a little anxiousness that I am so very thrilled to announce that The Next Part will be debuting at the 2014 Tribeca Film Festival. When we began shooting, we had no idea where it was going to go, or even what story we were going to tell. We didn't even know I was pregnant.

So if you fancy us, please follow the The Next Part facebook page and check out the website for the film.

Monday, March 3, 2014


The DC area is on its 532nd snow day of this winter, but we've been on an extended vacation since Aaron's last surgery in November. Retirement followed, with the holidays behind it, and then baby came end of January. So while it's been busy, we've really had nowhere to be (save for the hospital on my due date, that is). So what do we do all day?

Well, we get organized. We hold and feed and cuddle and stare at our baby. We cook. We clean a little. Nap. Stare at baby some more. I read things on babies, breastfeeding, and the news. Take pictures. Snack.

And I know this isn't a real life, and we have to start doing things here soon. School, appointments, stuff. Aaron has a better reason for taking this time than I do, considering he worked for 10 years before being in recovery for over two. He's worked harder than anyone else I know, and now he gets to enjoy his family for a bit.

But it's been hard on all of us.

And we're doing something we never even dreamed of, because when you lose a lot you don't dare hope for too many normal things.

One day, we'll be a little bit more like everyone else with jobs and school, at least things that we'll do during business hours, and we'll try to do all the chores after five and on the weekends. But for now, we are going to take this little break. We're going to cuddle like it's the end of the world. We'll let this new little human get to know us. Take pictures of a puppy sniffing a crying baby.

It doesn't have to be so difficult anymore. A lot less is going to hurt. It might not always be this way, so we'll revel in it now. Just a little bit longer.

 A few weeks ago we tried a headband.
 Chilling on daddy's nub.
 From October 2011 to Valentine's 2014. Not even two and a half years apart. Just... unbelievable.