I am also a military wife and mother who has experienced a life situation similar to yours. Just some words of advice from someone who actually is a mom, it is best not to have any expectations as to what your child will be like; it is not a child's job to "save" you, and a child may come to you with a heart, values, and opinions completely different from yours. Also, it might be best to wait before thinking about introducing a child into your life. If you are feeling overwhelmed by taking a few college classes and keeping your house clean while caring for an ADULT husband who can actually communicate to you what he needs, you are not ready to take on a child.
Thanks, Susan. I am so glad you took time out of your day to point on that I am currently not ready to have a child. What is so incredibly awesome about the situation with my husband is that the likelihood of us even having a child anytime next year is so low that I don't think anyone has to be worried that we're doing it this soon. Notice how I didn't elaborate on what our timeline exactly is? I did that on purpose. There is actually no situation where we could pop up pregnant without first knowing we could actually have kids at all- which is a long way off, in case you didn't get that from my post. Jesus totally loves you for reminding me in one anonymous paragraph all the things I need to consider. And if for some reason anyone else didn't get from my blog that I am clearly one of the most open-minded people on the planet, particularly when it comes to kids, then maybe reading this blog isn't for you.
From someone who actually is a mom... what a lovely, sensitive statement. I totally get it now.
P.S. I have anonymously commented before, but it is not something I ever did regularly. It was either alcohol-induced and/or I was in a really shitty mood. I don't do it now nor do I say negative things to people on the internet, just because I don't think I'm special enough to change anyone. Also, how well do we really know each other on here? I am going to bet somewhere between "not really at all" and "not in the least conceivable bit." But what do I know.
Ugh. So sorry you had to read that condescending jerky comment.
ReplyDeleteThis anonymous person has no clue how great you and Aaron truly are and must being having a bad day to write something as hateful as that short paragraph. I hope her day becomes much better and this person realizes her thoughts will not be thought about again.
ReplyDeleteI didn't say anything "hateful". I merely pointed out something she may not be aware of about an experience she hasn't had. There was no name calling, cursing, harassment, or anything like that. It would be the same as if she prefaced a post with "from the wife of a man who is actually a wounded warrior" and she is entitled to all her thoughts, opinions, rants, etc. On that subject.
DeleteAnd, yes, because I actually am a mom, I know about having and raising children. You are always so quick to point out how no one knows about a situation unless they have lived in it. Sorry I won't be wasting my time on this site anymore,
ReplyDeleteNothing I despise more than women that pull the "your not a mom so you don't know" card... seriously, I knew EXACTLY what kind of mom I would be... Guess what... a set of twins later, I'm the mother I knew I would be. The kids are how I expected them to be. That's the wonderful thing about expectations... you make children tow the line and in turn, they are exactly what you expect. I cannot place myself in your shoes, as NO ONE situation like this is ever the same. I've seen you laugh, cry, smile, get pissed, even cartwheel in a bar... your a great person and are handling your sitation in exactly the method that suits you and Aaron best... for that, I applaud you.
ReplyDeleteAre either of your children adopted? No? Then you don't know what it is like to adopt a child who could already be older and have his or her own values and who you cannot just "make" into a Stepford child. That is what I was refering to about being wary of expectations and, as Kat always reminds us, if you haven't had that experience, you can't have a valid opinion on it!
DeleteSusan, you can have an open exchange of opinions without trying to be a condescending witch to the blogger.
ReplyDeleteI was simply trying to point out to her from someone who has been through raising children that now might not be the best time, since she is already overwhelmed and stressed and rightfully so, having dealt with so much. Bringing a child into a family that is stressed and overwhelmed is not fair to the child or to the mother, and that is something you wouldn't know unless you have done it. And what is the matter with y'all, can't you discuss things without calling people names?
DeleteAll I have to say is this: 1) you are incredibly insensitive. Just because you reproduced doesn't necessarily mean you know everything there is to being a parent. If you did, you'd understand a little concept called compassio. 2) you clearly just don't know Kat or have only ever read these 2 posts. She and Aaron are awesome sauce. They have been through hell together and if they could come back from the blast, then they can do anything. So what if she struggled in school, lots of people do. Having kids doesn't make one an awesome student and I know plenty of parents who are overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed doesn't make you a bad person. It happens to any of us when we are put in severely abnormal circumstances. Let's face it, this past year has been supremely abnormal for Kat and Aaron. She's allowed to be a bit overwhelmed for awhile. It's normal.
ReplyDeleteIf anything, taking college courses while facing down surgeries and constant doctors appts, intrusions into your home, unstable living conditions, separation for a large part of your support network, grieving for the loss of a close friend and the loss of expectations of one future suggests a level of strength I rarely observe. If only 10% of my students were half the person Kat is, we'd all be better off.
I know you aren't going to do this, but I really think you owe Kat a sincere apology. Your behavior is way out of line here.
How about this, I will apologize to her when she apologizes to all the people she has complained about, bad-mouthed, or slandered in previous posts. I think we will be waiting a while.
ReplyDeleteKat, I know you can face anything having seen you in action.
ReplyDeleteI am a mother of four children ages 10 to 19 AND a wife of a wounded warrior. There are no situations here at Walter Reed National Medical Center that are exactly the same or injury that is exactly the same. The "outside" may appear to be the same, but that is all it is an appearance. This is my experience having four children and recently being the caregiver to my ADULT husband. It is far more humbling and shows you who you are and who you want to be to take care of your mate. As a parent, you spend 9 months expecting, dreaming and learning to care for your child. As a wife, friend, lover, soul mate, you simply arise to the occasion or fall. Then, you arise again or you quit.
Kat has risen, stumbled, risen again, and conquered that which tries to bring her down. She is sharing what she goes thru to allow others a chance to see a small picture of what she faces daily. She does this to give a voice to those who can't and help her heal. I give my thoughts to God and my prayers. She is sharing with everyone.
We set examples for our children as we care for them. Caring for our other half is a growing experience we do together.
I do agree with everything you have said, and I think there is much wisdom in your post (there is no sarcasm intended in there, I know it is hard to tell over the Internet). Thank you for your husband's service, and for yours as well, I bet you do not get told that enough. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, I really do mean it.
DeleteWait, you don't want children exposed to me, yet y'all support Mrs. Causey having children after the vicious things she has said about people and torn into people on this blog? Your judgment is clearly questionable.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually a mom too, and we decided to have a second child even after my husband was injured and while I was having trouble keeping all my balls in the air and guess what, our world hasn't come crashing down.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about trolls who hide behind internet anonymity - and no Susan, you don't have to kiss her ass you just need to be respectful and actually read what she's trying to say. No matter what your situation it's hard to realize that your plans for a family have to be altered.
Nothing I said was disrespectful. If Mrs, Causey is going to put her whole life and opinions out there for the world to read, then she has to realize people are going to disagree with her and offer their opinions on the aspects of her life she shares. If she doesn't want them, then she shouldn't write about it, You aren't open-minded if you only consider the ideas and opinions that you like, then you just like hearing people agree with you,
ReplyDeleteThis is the downside to blogging...and it's very, very sad.
ReplyDeleteJust know that for every "Susan", there are a thousand of us cheering you on, wishing you the best, and knowing you will have a beautiful family someday.
All I have to say is BRAVO SUSAN......and to all the haters out there, I will post anonymously, because I can.
ReplyDelete