Sunday, July 1, 2012

A grateful post.

The farther I get along in this mess, the more I realize it isn't a mess anymore. Yes, we're still at the hospital in our government barracks' room and this still isn't a normal life, but it's life. Everyone who comes into our little space tell us how much like a home it looks, instead of an extended stay suite. I'm proud of it.

Everything is just beginning to feel a little more normal. I think less of the horror we've experienced, and in fact I don't think of much at all besides the present moment. I have always said that I feel like this time I have with Aaron is a gift and I don't want to squander a moment. I know that sounds really cliche`, but I live it everyday.

I still catch myself having moments of utter disbelief that all of this happened to us, how far we've come, and how far we have to go (ugh). It's never not overwhelming, to be honest; I just choose not to think about it all the time. We just do each day and as long as there is cuddling each morning and night, nothing else really seems to matter.

I wonder if other people ever get to feel this way about life. I've learned some incredibly valuable lessons, all by my 30th birthday. I am a bit miffed at all the time I wasted in 20s, but I know I'm still far ahead of the curve. I still have a few things that seem innate of me to work out: I anger easily, I don't forget what I consider egregious wrongs or blatant meanness, and I have my own moral lines. I try everyday to think about Jesus and how he loved everyone and didn't really judge. Not just what Christians say Jesus was, but who he was historically. He was a pretty cool dude. I also try to consider the other person's life from a different angle. If  nothing else, I at least think to myself how terrible it must be to be that kind of person. And of course, I bless their little hearts, like all good Southern belles do.

I suppose this is a "grateful" post. I have nothing to complain about in my life. I still get pissed about what happened to my husband and our life, and our uncertain parts of our future is. This is worse than usual military unstableness. We're kinda stuck for at least a year, if not longer. But once things pick up, life will go lightening fast. And somewhere in all the business of the next two years, we really hope to have a baby.

We don't dream of fancy cars or huge houses. We talk about normalcy. We are considering renting our own apartment later this year just to get a little piece of the normal pie. We want to live with our dog, Charlie Buckles. Aaron needs to remember what it's like to wake up, get ready, and drive into work even if that work is rehab at the hospital. We should have a household again, with bills and budgets. It's been a nice break from reality to live at the hospital, and maybe some people might think it completely irresponsible that we'd go out and pay rent like that (and I do plan on shopping around to see what assistance is out there for us), but we miss life. There's a reason people need a break when they go through what we've been through, and it is a blessing we and so many like us can take that break and not really worry about "life." So, so many people can't do that. We have had our break and we're ready to be normal again, though. At least, as normal as we could ever be. Nothing is ever going to be the same again.

I had a Canon Rebel T2i land in my lap for a total steal, so I am excited to take up learning all I can about digital photography. I am not interested in ever calling myself a photographer, but I would like to make my own multi-media art. I like the idea of hanging my own creations on the wall. I never got into crafting, but I really think that this is my lane. Aaron bought me a zoom lens, and I ordered a LensBaby Composer pancake lens and a lot of books to help me learn all I want to know. I hope to pretty up my blog in due time.

Hope you all had great weekends. Hugs and love. Also, don't forget about HLN Robin Meade's "Stories of Courage" featuring Aaron's story, along with several other incredible troops' tales. It airs at 7pm and 9pm CST on HLN. 

1 comment:

  1. Its nice to hear you in better spirits. Who cares what anyone would think of you two getting an apartment. If thats what you two need, then so be it, do it and be happy! Enjoy learning your new camera, I have always wanted to do something like that but I just get frustrated.