Waiting. And then some more stuff.

Well, it looks like my Military Spouse of the Year nomination was a fluke. I was nominated, and my name was on the web site, but I didn't make the final five. I wasn't sure that I was the right spouse for the job, anyway. I live in a gritty, honest world and we all know only the pretty and triumphant tend to grace those pages. Aaron and I are triumphant every day, but we haven't quite "arrived" yet. So I'm all good!

Yesterday just took it out of me. I went with Aaron to a few of his appointments, and it was just wait, wait, wait. And of course no one tells you it takes 1.5 hours to process paperwork, or an hour to fill two prescriptions on that pharmacy (Aaron has a "warrior card" that puts him ahead of the thick at the pharmacy to prevent that, but whatever). Sometimes, it's just all stupid. We came home and had about half an hour before dinner, and I just sat down and didn't say a word. Aaron missed his most important appointments- PT/OT- because of BS and it was just so frustrating. But we all know how it is- that's the way it's always been, so that's the way it'll always be! Why fix what's broken but everybody still engages?!

You know,  I try not to let mean and crazy people live rent-free in my head but sometimes it's hard to shake being angry and frustrated that you've been judged by people who honestly have no clue what your life is like. It's not that it hurts; it's just infuriating. I feel like it's almost as if someone is ungrateful for what is going on here. Not just me, but all the families here. We count pills, attend appointments, give injections, carry limbs, treat wounds, pick up dropped things that can't be reached by a man in a wheelchair, do all the housekeeping, forget to feed ourselves some days- the list goes on. Some of us might not ever conceive a child because of the injuries. And we do all this for your soldier's wounded comrade. It's not just my husband, it's the soldier yours served with. I'm taking damn good care of him. I just honestly don't understand how someone could call me a dishonor to my husband and his unit. Perhaps it's indignant of me, but I don't think anyone has any business judging a damn thing I say until the bottom of their shoes look like mine. No one else's opinion really matters so much to me that I'm going to think of every single person as I write and say the things I do, anyway. I'm sharing my journey, and everyone can take it or leave it. Don't get your feelings hurt- it's not personal.

Three months ago I was burning up the ground between the Navy Lodge and the hospital, and it felt like hell. Two months ago we were discharged from the hospital and put into our little apartment on hospital grounds, and it was overwhelming and beautiful and beyond difficult. A month ago we were getting ready to go home for Christmas, something we didn't even think was going to be possible. This is one hell of journey we're on, with its emotional ups and downs. Deployment was rough, no doubt. But I'd give anything to be back in those shoes instead of these. But this is the path we were put on, and we're going to own it. We are going to be the best we'll ever be, and blaze away from here in about year. It's changing me and him all the time, and at the end of the day I will always say this: I am lucky to be here with him. 

I recently reviewed everything I posted online about Aaron's incident, since the day I received my knock. Man, I've been a lot of places emotionally! I've recently come to a point where I don't want to talk about my notification anymore, or our first few days and weeks here at the hospital. There's a lot inside of me still waiting to get out about those harrowing moments, but progress and adjustment have finally come along our way.

I live at a hospital. My street address is the same as Walter Reed National Military Medical Center's (mostly referred to simply as "Bethesda"). I am not yet comfortable having to be anywhere away from Aaron, so I'm not going attend college classes this term, but take them online. I live in generous government housing on hospital grounds. I'm learning about DC area driving and what places to avoid (I'm looking at you, Georgetown and 495 around Falls Church).

Aaron goes to physical therapy and occupational therapy every day. I usually join him, unless I feel that I need to get caught up on housework or various other errands. I feel grateful everyday that I wake up next to him, and know that we're not getting out of bed until we've adequately cuddled.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that simply, this has become life. It's home now. This doesn't feel weird. Seeing a group of triple amputees drag each other on the floor by electric wheelchairs was just funny and not "wow, that's odd" funny. Just funny. Just being part of it.

I will never know who I was going to be had this not happened to Aaron. I can't remember too much about ourselves from "before"- he's so honestly positive and has the best sense of humor about it all that I suppose I think he's always been this way. Or at least, this is the man I love. After a bit of deployment drama, he sat in the tub and talked about what was good about deployment: "Having babies is good. People getting married is good. Coming home is good. We should focus on these things." It was just so simple and true, I could have cried.

I'm in a good place with my husband and family and those who are truly my friends. I was a regular Army EOD wife for 18 months, and now I'm a warrior wife for my hero husband. I'm good, folks. Doing just fine.

Roll Tide!!!!

We made it!!!! Aaron was a trooper with all the airport business. I did pretty well managing all the bags! While I will never agree with or support TSA policies and practices, everyone was as respectful as they could be. Delta was excellent with us, too.

The hotel isn't in the best part of town and all the fast food joints sketch me out, so I hit up a Family Dollar across the street. Sure, it's all processed, but I know what's not in it!!!

Roll Tide!!! We're so lucky to be here!!!

Not A Real Problem...

It's wonderful that we were gifted the BCS Bama/LSU tickets. We were always going to say yes. I just wish I knew how to plan better! I should have just bought the "expensive" airfare in and out of New Orleans. Even though the price seemed crazy, it would have prevented a lot of headache and extra dollars spent. I had to cancel our original arrival flight because it went into Houston. See, the first plan was to fly into Houston and stay with friends, rent a car, then drive over for the game the day of (kickoff isn't until 730pm). We would somehow get to the game. Then drive out Tuesday back to Houston, stay with friends again, and fly out. The Houston airfare was about $400 total versus the direct NOLA airfare of $800. Since the car was going to be dropped off in the same place it was picked up, we were getting a great deal of $20 per day. Well, we got handicap accessible seating but it came with a change in plans- we had to be at the Superdome by noon. So, I canceled the flight into Houston, eating $150. At least we got the other $90 back. One-way into NOLA is $400. Add a night at the hotel at about $200. Pay for a one way car rental, $89. Schedule a car to take us from the Superdome back to the hotel- $160 because traffic is going to be that bad. We could have just gambled on a taxi, but this place is going to be nuttier than any Mardi Gras I've ever been to. At least I get to see some long lost friends in Houston, and attend a once-in-a-lifetime game (two SEC teams- including my Bama- in the BCS bowl!). I'm so, so grateful. It's just always something, though. A lot of this has developed so last minute. At least one friend is willing to dedicate her game day morning to taking us to the stadium. Since we were gifted the tickets so late in the game, everything has been astronomical. The only reason we have the transportation after the game is because one company was willing to put out their wheelchair van (and my cousin called 8 other places). At least we can stay for the whole game. When it was looking like a cab was our only choice, we were going to dip out early. Safety reasons- I think this is going to be the most unsafe football game of the last century.

So, there's a lot of "at least" in there, which makes it all worth it. The price of the trip is still less than what 1 ticket is going for on Stub Hub. Right now- and I mean in this current moment- I'm just a little taxed. I've done a lot of calling and asking around, and had some help. Argh. I am glad we will take a break from traveling when we return on Wednesday.

I really am grateful. I am spoiled rotten to be about to drop $1500 on this trip (before gas, tips, and food). Spoiled. Rotten. But it doesn't mean I don't get stressed... and I still have to pack! Roll Tide!

Welcome back to me!

Annnnnd.... we're back! The two weeks back in Alabama was wonderful. We had a good dose of family and best friends. Of course, it went by entirely too quickly and now we're back to the grind. Well, not for long...

We're going to the BCS Championship game! We're both born and bred Alabama fans (I attended the university, as well) and are so excited to be given this opportunity. Seats 4 Soldiers donated the tickets to us. They saw the CNN clip in which Aaron was wearing a "Roll Tide" t-shirt and decided to help us start our year off right. It's been a process on working accommodations in NOLA out so close to the game, but everything finally worked out today. We're just glad the hotel had room for an extra night.

Aaron also grew 5 inches his first day back. His legs now have knees that bend so he can wear them in his wheelchair, and wear them longer. Even being back for less than 24 hours has progress.

This year, I'm letting go. I'm letting go of all the hurt from last year. I'm letting go of not-friends, a horrible injury notification, and the anger that came with our current situation. Aaron is the most positive person I have ever known, we have the best marriage I've ever seen (although I might be partial), and we both have incredible support systems. I don't have a good reason to be negative or angry anymore. At least, not to the extent that it upsets my everyday.

So until next time, Roll Tide from Walter Reed National Military Medical Center!