Thursday, January 19, 2012


I don't know what it was about last night's sleep- because it wasn't that good- but I woke up feeling like I've been a real whiny loser lately! I'm not being too hard on myself- I know it's true. It's so easy to let the frustrations, pain, and annoyances of this place get to me. It kind of builds up, then something really unnecessary happens and I blow a gasket. Yesterday, I did all the things I needed to do to register for school only to find out there was something stupid holding my account. I just lost it. I was still upset about some nastiness hurled my way, too- a week ago.

But then dinner happened. The Wounded EOD Warrior Foundation had everyone out to a local Mexican place- their treat. There were families, babies, girlfriends, and friends. Aaron's battalion commander and sergeant major had come down and joined us, as well. It was just such a good evening to shoot the shit with these people. Then Aaron and I went out with Kiel, another wounded from the company. I learned a lot listening to those guys talk.

I let depression into my life for a little while and I'm glad to send it on its way. I let someone else's negativity affect me, and I'm stupid for doing that. I guess I am just more sensitive to things now. It's not that one particular person matters enough to upset me, it's the whole ugly act that ruined a few days for me. It's also a lack of understanding on my part, as well. I don't know what it's like to take a deployment so negatively, so difficultly, that the only way I can feel better is to harass a wounded unit soldier and his wife even after being asked repeatedly to stop. I don't know what it's like to read a sentence on a blog written by the wife of an amputee, who has greeted two more unit comrades at the hospital, and take it so personally I can't function without telling her exactly what I think of her, or provoking her husband to agree with me. That has got to be a rough and depressing deployment existence and I absolutely don't know what that's like. So even though I will never excuse the behavior because we're all adults here, I can at least say that I don't know what it's like to be her; therefore, I don't know where her vitriol comes from, so I won't judge her personality or character. I would definitely never call her a dishonor to the unit and her husband.

I realize I talk a lot about what it's like for me to be here, as if it's unique and special. It comes off as indignant, maybe. Like I expect a medal. I don't think I'm doing anything that any loving wife wouldn't do. There is nothing extraordinary going on here. I guess I keep talking about it because I don't know if people understand or not. At four months of writing this, living it, taking it in and letting it all out, people either get that they don't understand or they don't. I can't keep going on about how life is different here. It is what it is, and I am going to approach it as just life. It's a beautiful one, too.

Aaron just rolled in from driving class and let me know that he blew the instructor away. I am so proud of him. Looks like we'll be car shopping soon enough!!!! And i'm off to be VERY NICE to the college people so they can fix my account, and I can finally register. I WILL BE NICE, I WILL BE NICE... ;)

1 comment:

  1. I enjoy reading your posts and don't care if you complain. That what this is here for. I don't think you write expecting a medal. You are just writing about what life is for you and that is all. We all talk about what happens in our lives and that is exactly what you are doing. That includes ups and down, lefts and rights. Keep on going. Let it be your outlet for good or bad. Just keep your head up cause you are doing fantastic!